He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
