Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
