You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
