1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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