Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
