I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize