you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
