I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
