If i come over, it means nothing
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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