Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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