you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
