This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You've changed since you got that strap on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
