We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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