I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
