from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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