I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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