Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
