I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
