sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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