If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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