In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
