my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
