i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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