she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
