We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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