Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
