More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
