What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
