I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
