it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize