oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
