you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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