Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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