love makes seman taste better
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize