I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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