The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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