I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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