break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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