a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
