The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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