I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
