and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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