I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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