I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
