Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
