why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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