have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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