can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
