hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
