I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
