There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
