I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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