What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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