We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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