I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Even my vagina gasped.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
