I forgot how hot balto sounded
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
