WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Damn victory sex feels great
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
