i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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