You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
