This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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