the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
wow bdsm is so cute
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