Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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