She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
