is your mom at the bar?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
