Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
