look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
