I think my fart just growled at me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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