whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
