I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize