flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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