fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
