i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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