I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this beer tastes like vomit already
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
